What's All This About?

Call me Ishmael  Luke. I'm just your average eighteen-year-old high school student who happens to have a penchant for writing. I attend a religious school in a conservative county. I act, I sing, I speak in an amalgamation of more languages than I actually know. I have all the popularity I could wish for, all the friends I could want, and the greatest best friend to walk the earth. My family is educated, and my parents love each other very much. We all say 'I love you.' My life is a fairytale, right?

That was a pun. A sad, sad pun. If the title of this blog didn't make it clear, let me help.

I, Luke Larson, am gay. Here in Conservative Christian County, that is a Bad Thing. They don't take kindly to no queers in these parts, so I thank God for my nice cozy closet.

Yeah, I kept my religion too. Sort of. I am still clinging to that Christianity. Which brings me to the point of all this:

The media and internet are a wonderful thing these days. I see people of all sorts being treated as people. Including gays. Gays who are portrayed as real people with real variety. We aren't all queens, and television and blogs show that. There's someone for everyone to relate to, gay or straight, right?

I feel like something's missing. Religion has always been hard on homosexuality. It's used as an excuse for homophobia and hate. Nowadays, it's OK to be gay or OK to be religious, as long as they keep their distance. They don't play well together. So when someone growing up religious finds out they're gay, what are their options? There's no one like them 'out there'. It's easier for the people on TV; they aren't religious, don't have the same community. The easiest thing to do is hate. Hate themself for who they are, hate God for what he commands, hate the community for being so close-minded, hate some madman who wrote a wretched book called Leviticus six thousand years ago, hate whatever.

Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.

Hate fixes nothing. It only widens gulfs and salts wounds. Whence comes the hate? Fear. Confusion. Loneliness. It's hard being gay. It's worse when people do all they can to, quite literally, give you hell.

I am eighteen years old. My best friend, and two other trusted individuals know I'm gay. I was closeted for years. I've never had a boyfriend. I've been surrounded by hate for years. But I got through it well enough.

I don't know why. Genetics? Childhood environment? Emotional overstability?

It's hard.

I got through it. I'm still here, but I'm an adult now. I can get away if I need to. Not everyone can. Not yet.

You are not alone. Remember that. You are never alone.