Remember when I said, "My plan is to let my parents know [I'm gay] sometime after I no longer depend upon them at all financially and sometime before I get engaged. Which will be a while."? (source) I've almost entered that window.
I thought I had time. I'm not even out of high school yet, and I've never held down a job. Surely with a mountain of debt coming my way, I could blissfully skip along rainbows for years amongst friends, and simply resume the washed out grayscale life of closet life when home. But thanks to a scholarship, I don't have a penny of debt coming towards me, while my college fund (now unneeded) remains.
Within four months, I'll have money to my name and no demands upon it. I'll have passed the financially independent threshold.
The countdown will begin.
What's worse is that I have no idea how long I'll have. I might be well into grad school before I meet anyone worth marrying. But maybe not. Remember Travis? My freshman year role model who turned out to be as gay as the day is long? This very month, he ended up engaged. Academically, he's only three years ahead of me. Age-wise, he's hardly more than two ahead.
I'm willing to marry young if I meet the right person. I could be where he is soon enough. A month ago, I felt like I still had forever. Now, I'm mentally making notes on my coming out email. Or series of emails. Or whatever I do.
Almost as if to make it worse (in a way I do not begrudge in the least), my bestie is in the throes of infatuation. And we talk about him, and it's fun, but as I side effect, I'm falling in love with love. Which means I've thought more about my wedding in the past few weeks than in the preceding eighteen years.
Which means I wonder if my parents will be there.
I'v heard wonderful, heartwarming stories. But I've heard the bad ones too. There's a reason that there have been so very many gay suicides. Thankfully, I know I could lose my family and live.
But I'd rather keep them.
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