Beginning to Battle

So I've just finished up my last high school play. Which is the end of high school for me, more or less. The drama department was more my family than anything but my family. Besides that, even in Conservative Christian County, our drama departments have the highest concentration of the Gay. I can count at least two being in the department at the same time, as well as at least four open supporters of equality.

But of course, even in the fabled gay sanctuary of the Theatre, there are the ignorant. Take for example, my friend and protege of sorts, Ian. Ian and I more or less shared lead positions in the play, and so we were often alone in the locker room (no green room for us) changing from one tuxedo to another for our next scene in two minutes.

Now, n high school, among hormonal, insecure boys, it is common to assert heterosexuality and masculinity by farcically acting gay to prove how comfortably straight you are. Combine that with my actual homosexuality and thus interest in the topic, and queer conversations make up a great part of my speech.

I don't know how we got on the topic this time (perhaps I was discussing my future marriage to Chris Colfer with whom, though I am not openly gay and a surprising number of people seem to have no idea that I am, I am openly in love), but we got there, and he made some sort of casual, spiteless-but-ignorantly-homophobic comment, to which I replied that I could biblically defend homosexuality. His exact reply was "I would be interested in hearing that."

We talked, and I hit all my major points, and his boiled down to "Gay sex is gross" (response: "Sex is gross") and "Gays have no religion", which I conceded is not entirely baseless (though I pointed how the Church drove us away for years. It would be much easier to lose my faith if I felt I had to give up the love our culture so tells me I need).

I didn't win. I didn't change his mind. But I've planted a seed. He's open for continued talks. I've invited a friend of mine who is LGBTQ-supportive (though I believe she yet believes gay acts to be sin) to join us. I hope we do continue to talk.

At the end, though, I asked him if he'd attend my wedding with Chris Colfer.

He said yes. He'd be 'very uncomfortable' and it would be 'weird'. But that's miles from the fire and brimstone some would hurl. It shows some level of tolerance. In Conservative Christian County, this is progress. It's a sign of accepting times.

It's a sign of hope.

Coming Out Countdown

Remember when I said, "My plan is to let my parents know [I'm gay] sometime after I no longer depend upon them at all financially and sometime before I get engaged. Which will be a while."? (source) I've almost entered that window.

I thought I had time. I'm not even out of high school yet, and I've never held down a job. Surely with a mountain of debt coming my way, I could blissfully skip along rainbows for years amongst friends, and simply resume the washed out grayscale life of closet life when home. But thanks to a scholarship, I don't have a penny of debt coming towards me, while my college fund (now unneeded) remains.

Within four months, I'll have money to my name and no demands upon it. I'll have passed the financially independent threshold.

The countdown will begin.

What's worse is that I have no idea how long I'll have. I might be well into grad school before I meet anyone worth marrying. But maybe not. Remember Travis? My freshman year role model who turned out to be as gay as the day is long? This very month, he ended up engaged. Academically, he's only three years ahead of me. Age-wise, he's hardly more than two ahead.

I'm willing to marry young if I meet the right person. I could be where he is soon enough. A month ago, I felt like I still had forever. Now, I'm mentally making notes on my coming out email. Or series of emails. Or whatever I do.

Almost as if to make it worse (in a way I do not begrudge in the least), my bestie is in the throes of infatuation. And we talk about him, and it's fun, but as I side effect, I'm falling in love with love. Which means I've thought more about my wedding in the past few weeks than in the preceding eighteen years.

Which means I wonder if my parents will be there.

I'v heard wonderful, heartwarming stories. But I've heard the bad ones too. There's a reason that there have been so very many gay suicides. Thankfully, I know I could lose my family and live.

But I'd rather keep them.

I Don't Get People

It boggles me the way people think. People have the strangest thoughts, and while I'm sure I have ways of thinking many don't understand, some things leave me dumbfounded.

The best example would be many of my peers' opinions on homosexuality and how the law should deal with it. I understand perfectly that they consider it a sin, and that is a perfectly valid stance. But they also hold the doctrine that, in the eyes of God, all sins are equal. Now these people clearly have their own sins, which they themselves would classify as sins: damaging drug/alcohol use, premarital sex, pride, theft, even gossip.

Yet they hold homosexuality as a sin above sins. They staunchly oppose gay marriage (and therefore oppose encouraging committed monogamy against 2-10% of the population). I'm certain they would never advocate similar prohibition against anything in their list of problems, though.

Yet which is more destructive? Gay marriage shows economic boosts, often takes children from foster care, and produces mentally sound offspring. Gossip destroys relationships, theft harms the economy, pride leads to harmful selfishness, premarital sex can spread STDs, and drugs and alcohol can destroy people entirely.

The government's job isn't to lay down holy law, as interpreted by conservative Christians. Its job is to protect and help its people. Gay marriage protects people by normalizing gay relationships and preventing the bullying that makes it commonplace to read about gay suicides. Gay marriage helps people by boosting the economy and giving children parents. There is no reason beyond religion to oppose gay marriage.

As an aside, I'd like to defend homosecuality from a religious standpoint. Matthew 7:17-18 says Even so, every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. From where I stand, gay marriage and loving gay relationships bring forth good fruit.

I'm more inclined to believe Jesus than five or six scattered passages that can be interpreted multiple ways, you know?

Just a Nature v Nurture Musing

So I have only had one person in my life who ever was anything like a role model. Let's call him Travis. Now, Travis was a senior when I started high school. He was in drama. He was in forensics. He had a distinct style of dress.

He was fabulous.

He became a role model for me because he did everything I liked and he did them well. Years later, I used facebook to invade his privacy and I discovered he was dating. But Travis wasn't just dating any old person, no. He was dating a guy/boy/man/dude/male/not-girl.

That cool senior I looked up to as a sexually-confused freshman turned out to be gay (well, maybe bi, but in this environment, you would be very unlikely to ever act on any urge towards the same sex if you could find another way) was somehow poetic.

Here's the thing, though. I liked him chiefly because of his aptitude and love for the theatre, which I share. I also liked him for his fabulous fashion choices (I'm no fashionista, but I can appreciate). However, I liked him because we shared interests, and apparently we share a sexuality.

Now let's go to another theatre. Broadway. I couldn't find any statistics, but I think you'll agree that a lot of men in the theatre are gay, no? And musical theatre is stereotypically a gay passion, which has some basis in truth, no?

So, if all of these gay men have similar interests, does it not follow that homosexuality is somewhat genetic (which I know has been repeatedly shown, but some people refuse to see)? Aptitudes and interests are based in the genetic code, though of course they change based on how they are fostered. It seems to me, though, that if many gays love theatre, then some gay genes are also theatre genes (though, of course, not all theatre genes are gay, sad as that is).

So, yes, I did just make an entire post to present my speculation into what is more or less proven.